I have let you down I'm sorry
by BeethovenRIP
Summary: Another Oneshot based on last nights casualty. If you have any ideas on how it can be improved let me know. Please Read and Review.


What she had said struck a chord, she couldn't protect him if he carried on talking like that. Did he want protecting? Up until that point he wanted to protect Tamzin, in his eyes she had done nothing wrong. Now he was beginning to realise that someone else was involved and that person wanted to protect him and not her.

He played their conversation over and over again in his head pausing to think about her facial expression when he said he didn't want protecting. He knew by the look in her eyes that she wanted to protect him. He knew then and there he had let her down. She wanted to fight for him whereas up until now he wanted to fight for someone else.

He mooched around the ED replaying events in his mind. Had he made the right choice? Should he have lied? What would Dixie decide to do? He didn't want to think that his career was over because of a stupid decision but it was becoming a likely prospect. Dixie knew how he felt towards Tamzin, he was always trying to impress her, but had he gone too far? He had to decide what he valued the most. His friendship with Tamzin or his relationship with Dixie. It wasn't a hard one to make, but, she always came first without a shadow of a doubt.

Guilt started to rear its head, he had let her down and now he was out of a job and possibly a marriage. He hoped that wouldn't be the case - he knew he was nothing without her. Everything hit home harder when he helped to bring back the security guard to life. He loved his job, furthermore he loved doing his job with his wife by his side.

"Well done back there." Tamzin said as she followed Jeff out of cubicles.

"Thanks."

"What's up?"

"You are a good person Tamzin. You are a great paramedic you would have got through this. I dunno maybe I should have forced you to change your statement, stood by you during the investigation then maybe we could have both kept our jobs." Jeff replied lowering his voice as it was plagued with shame turning his back to walk away. Tamzin looked on in disbelief, he could feel her eyes on him as he left.

He kept on walking not knowing where he was going but he needed time to think. He couldn't go back to Tamzin not after what he said and he was certain Dixie wouldn't want to see him. He had made some mistakes in his time, hitting patients, assaulting teens who caused trouble even falsified records but she was always there to pick him up and protect him from the fallout. He never knew how she managed it but she always did. Could she help get him out of this one? Did he really want to be helped out of this one? Should he accept the consequences like a man? Jeff knew one thing, he had behaved badly whilst trying to impress someone half his age when it was the person who was his age that he should have been impressing.

Making his way back to the Ambulance Station he saw Tamzin talking to Dixie. Although he couldn't lip read he could read Dixie like a book, he knew Tamzin had owned up but did that mean he was off the hook as well?

"Hey what is happening?" He asked jumping out the ambulance as Tamzin walked over.

"Nothing I just asked to see her thats all."

Jeff stood there in utter bewilderment as she told him what she had said before leaning in to give him a tender kiss goodbye. He watched on as she walked away but felt another pair of eyes on him. He knew he would have to face her sooner or later.

"She dug you out of a hole you know."

Jeff nodded. " I was prepared to hand in my notice you know."

"And I was prepared to accept it."

Jeff knew this was the case, "I let you down. I'm sorry." Jeff said quietly looking into Dixie's eyes. He hoped she would see how sorry he was.

"Just don't make a habit if it aye." She gave him a look of warning before walking away. Jeff hung his head in shame as he watched her leave. Tamzin had gone and he had almost lost his job and wife in the same day. He needed to know if he was forgiven, so he headed towards her office.

Jeff stood outside watching her working before he knocked. Dixie looked up seeing him stood there beckoning him in. Jeff entered standing infront of her desk hanging his head in shame. To anyone looking in it would have looked like Jeff was being told off by the headmaster rather than him wanting comfort from his wife.

"You OK mate?" Dixie asked.

Jeff shook his head.

"What is it?" Dixie asked as she got up walking over to him as he shrugged his shoulders.

"You were not to blame Jeff. Well, not entirely anyway. You shouldn't have lied though, you could have lost everything."

Jeff nodded still staring at the floor with his hands in his pockets.

"When will you learn Jeffrey? What am I going to do with you?" Dixie said as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Hold me and tell me you still love me." He said quietly whilst lifting his head just enough so she could see his eyes.

"Oh love come here." Dixie pulled him closer to her and held him tight feeling his body shake beneath her arms. They never were ones for romantic gestures or for telling each other they loved them but Dixie knew him so well she knew he needed reassurance and was certain that he felt bad for everything. "You know I love you Jeff and I don't want to lose you, but you need to promise me you will never do anything like that again."

Jeff nodded into her shoulder before moving to face her once more. "I am sorry Dix. I really am."

"I know love. I really do." Dixie replied softening her tone before lightly kissing gis forehead. "Now, lets get ourselves home where you can cook me dinner to make it up to me."

"I think that is the least I could do for you. "

The couple smiled at each other before heading off to get changed arm in arm once more.


End file.
